I Hear You Loud and Clear, or I Think I do

The following is guest blog contribution by my friend Bonni Montevecchi of The Celebration Station Seminars:

How are your written and verbal communication skills? How often have you been asked that during a job interview? How often have you asked someone else? Or, better yet, how often have you said, “I have excellent verbal and written communication skills!” Is that truth in advertising, or has that line become so common that anyone that speaks or writes thinks he or she is really communicating extremely well?

Good communication skills are more than trying to verbalize your message accurately and concisely – It’s more than writing out a memo with some quick bullet points.

Training programs can touch upon teamwork, stress management and customer service, but often lack concrete strategies when it comes to communication. You and your associates never before had the array of communication tools currently available.

How can I “talk” and “not talk” with you – let me count the ways: voice mail, e-mail, memo, letter, report, note, phone call, messenger or face-to-face.

I can “talk” to people while driving my car, making dinner, sitting at my computer, or standing at the coffee machine.

With all these communication tools, why does communication break down so often? Why is it we still seem to mis-communicate?

Want an Example?

A client of mine was recently let go from her position. She had “no clue.” If true communication exists in the organization, how can a person be “clueless” she is losing her job. If the performance is not up to par, that should have been communicated to her. If the company was in financial straits, she should have known that as well, she was the corporate spokesperson. Something isn’t being communicated somewhere-either an employee is in denial and not communicating the reality message to herself, or the company isn’t disseminating information.

Sometimes people say, “I just can’t communicate with him (her)!” Have you ever tried not communicating with someone else? Try it for ten seconds. Wait a minute- you’re frowning, you’re rolling your eyes. Yes, non-verbal communication is a message. You are always communicating something – from the way your desk looks, to the way you look, to the way you answer the phone, to your punctuality (or lack thereof) to your eye contact, to your body language. It’s up to you to make sure you are not speaking a “foreign” language to your co-workers. You want to make sure that the message sent is the message received. It’s okay to ask, “Does that make sense? Do you understand what I am saying?” Clarification goes a long way to making sure the message is understood.

In talking to someone else, you can mirror back her statements such as “What I hear you saying is…

And when you are having a conflict with someone, use “I” statements and not “You” statements. Instead of “You always act this way…try “I feel you use this strategy when you are angry. Is that an accurate assessment?”

When it comes to communicating, here are some hints:

Try the platinum rule

We all know the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you, “but according to speaker Tony Allesandro, the platinum rule is: “Do unto others as they would want to be done unto.” Huh? In other words, how would they want you to communicate with them?

I had a boss who wanted short, bullet-point memos. I love to write detailed, long reports. Guess what? I learned to write short, bullet-point memos. I needed her to “hear” what I was saying. I needed to adapt to her venue.

Some people in your organization may live or die by voice mail. Others may leave a novel for television on voice mail. Others may never update it when they go on vacation or check it every few days. The same goes for e-mail. Learn others’ preferences and styles and let them know yours as well. Educate your associates to the pros and cons of each communication tool. Have office-wide standards.

Voice mail is great when you can concisely explain a request. The recipient can then act upon it. Voice mail is evil when it is just used for phone tag. “It’s Joan; I have a request, call me.” Keep it friendly, but short and to the point.

Be a HOG (head-on Guy or Gal) deal with issues in “real” time – when they occur. Pick a communication tool, any tool and use it! Don’t let the situation get out of hand.

Find out the facts before you shoot off that scathing memo. Make sure you give yourself time to do a fact-finding mission. Words spoken cannot be recalled and some folks have memories longer than elephants.

Help your employees know the “tricks of the trade” in your organization. I once almost got fired at a major healthcare organization because I used blue instead of white stationery for an internal memo. Blue was for external only. I didn’t see that listed in any company handbook. How was I to know? You can bet I never did that again, but you can also bet I wish someone, my supervisor or someone, would have told me this minor rule of communication.

E-mail has its own set of standards. Make sure everyone in your organization knows what they are. CAPITAL LETTERS mean you are shouting. You and I may not look at it that way, but if that is the standard use of CAPITALS in e-mail, then perception is reality.

Memos that are neatly spaced, include important dates, times and phone numbers are great. Memos that read like a long letter are, well long. Getting to the point is what it’s all about. So, ask yourself, what is my point? Also ask yourself, “So what?” – so you don’t miss the point. Ask someone else to read your missive if it is highly complex, to make sure you are understood.

Writing is a one-way communication tool. It’s easy to be misunderstood. If it’s really important, by all means, why not make sure I really understand the situation by backing up that memo- go back to the first communication tool of all time – talk to me, in person. It will be nice to see you for a change.

Thanks Bonni. I hear you loud and clear! Bonni Montevecchi can be reached (http://www.celebrationspeaking.com/).

John Bradley Jackson
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