The flip-side of you dealing with your own fear of negotiation is dealing with the fear of the other party. Their fear and anxiety can be absolutely palpable. You can see if in their eyes. You can almost smell it.

If the other party is afraid and not thinking properly, you might have an advantage over them, but the likely outcome is that a lopsided deal will be struck and you will never do business with that person or firm again. An aggressive negotiator preys on this
type of opponent and delights in carving them to pieces, but, at what cost?

If you are left cut to ribbons by someone like this, what will you say to others? Most likely you will be a walking billboard warning everyone to avoid doing business with this aggressive character. Life is short and our reputation in business is our most critical asset. A moment of empathy on your part might significantly change the outcome and make it a mutually beneficial interaction rather than a one-sided slaughter.

This fear, if not dealt with properly, could stall or disable the negotiation. It could escalate into anger or other emotions which could be so disruptive that the meeting cannot continue. If that is the case, it is probably in your best interest to help the other party minimize their fear.

Here is what I suggest:

– Look for the fear in the other party. Symptoms could be nervous laughter, sweating, awkward hand movements, lack of eye contact, and detachment (like they are pretending they are somewhere else).
– Gently acknowledge their fear by asking if they are OK. Say something like “Is this hard for you?” Or, “Is this as hard for you as it is for me?”
– The key is to not embarrass them but let them know that it is OK to be fearful or nervous. You might offer, “I am a little nervous myself.”
– Offer them a cool drink. This is a nice gesture and might help them cool down (literally).
– Smile at that them and loosen up your tie or take your coat off. Help them feel at ease.
– Relax body language. Slump in the chair. Send a message that you are relaxed.
– Try warming them up with some small talk to let them acclimate themselves to the meeting.
– If they still are anxious, see if you can get them to talk about it. Verbalizing these fears might help them let go of their fears and allow the conversation to continue.
– A break in the action might also help them regroup; propose a ten minute break. A few minutes to let them compose might make the difference.
– If all else fails, propose to tackle this meeting another day.

More often that not, a little empathy from you will help the other party settle down and negotiate a better deal with you. Odds are that you will have also paved the way for future business with them.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2007 All rights reserved

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