A recent study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona found that people who spend more of their day having deep, heart felt discussions and who spend less time engaging in small talk seem to be happier. Or, simply put, the folks who choose idle banter over in-depth conversations are found to be less satisfied with their lives.
Interesting study was my first reaction. Yet, the more I reflected on the study’s findings, the more I discovered its application to selling and to customer relationships. Sales people are legendary in their mastery of small talk including spontaneous dialogs on the weather or the last major sporting event. In response, the customer smiles placidly with eyes glazed over with hopes of the meeting’s conclusion.
I know this because I have been such a “weather reporter” and have witnessed firsthand the banality of talking about nothing. Yes, it wasn’t fulfilling, but that is what we do when “doing business”. The buyers expect it and put up with it.
I have also observed that customer discussions focused on serious problems or on significant issues often are very satisfying. More often than not, both parties leave with the feeling that the overall relationship improved. Yes, they felt happier. And, the likelihood of the doing business again was improved. In retrospect, it was the sincere and meaningful conversation that made things better— even if it was based on a problem or disagreement.
My suggestion is to stop talking about nothing. Instead, look into the other person’s eyes and talk about things that really matter to them. Listen intently and share your true feelings. My guess is that you will both be happier if you do so.
John Bradley Jackson
Author, Entrepreneur, Professor
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