Is Friendship In Decline?
Something is changing in America. A generation ago, most of us had several or even many "close" friends that we saw often. We met them at work, in our neighborhoods, at church, or through our kids. We gathered for dinner, talked on the phone, or helped each other move a couch on the weekend. Friendship was built into daily life.
Today, friendship takes more effort and it is quietly slipping away. Studies show that Americans report having fewer close friends than ever before. Many people say they have no one they can confide in. We move more, work longer hours, spend more time online, and less time face to face. The casual social circles that once nurtured new friendships such as civic clubs, bowling leagues, and church groups have thinned out.
This is not just nostalgia. Friendship is vital to our health and happiness. It buffers stress, improves longevity, and gives life meaning. Yet many adults, especially men, find it hard to build or sustain close relationships. We get busy, and friendships drift. Sometimes life changes such as marriage, parenthood, relocation, or grief interrupt the rhythm of connection.
So what can we do?
First, we can be intentional. Friendship does not just happen anymore. We have to make time for it. Call someone. Invite them for coffee. Set a recurring lunch. It may feel awkward at first, but it is worth it.
Second, we can redefine expectations. Not every friend will be available all the time. People go through seasons such as raising children, caring for parents, or struggling with loss. Give them space but stay present. A simple message that says “Thinking of you. I am here when you are ready” can mean a lot.
Third, we can make new friends as adults by showing up where people gather. Volunteer groups, gyms, book clubs, classes, and community events are all good starting points. Friendship begins with shared time, not shared perfection.
Finally, we can practice gratitude for the friendships we already have. Relationships need maintenance just like health or finances. A short text, a call, or a thank you can rekindle connection.
In my case, one of my closest friends is walking through deep grief right now. He has gone quiet, and I understand. He has not stopped being my friend. He just needs time. My role as his friend is to be there when he is ready. That is what friendship looks like in real life: patient, steady, imperfect, but enduring.
Friendship may be harder today than it was a generation ago, but that makes it even more precious. We cannot turn back the clock, but we can reclaim the practice of being a good friend, one intentional act at a time.
May I be your friend?
John Bradley Jackson
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P.S. My friend Greg reminded me that close friends are rare. I agree. There is a friendship continuum with close friends on one end and friends of convenience on the other. Close friends do the heavy lifting and typically are few in number. They also pass the test of time. Friends of convenience may come and go. Are close friends forever? Some may be but even close friendships have a life cycle. They may ebb and flow.
Sources:
Bryce Fuemmeler